Navigating Life’s Transitions: Reflections on Loss, Identity, and Finding Our Way
Note: While many of the experiences explored in this post are widely relatable, some are specific to motherhood. I want to acknowledge that not all women become mothers—whether by choice or circumstance—and their experiences are equally valid and important. This piece is shared from a perspective that includes, but is not limited to, the journey of motherhood.
Introduction: Life as a Series of Transitions
Life, especially for women, is punctuated by numerous transitions—each bringing a blend of joy, confusion, grief, and growth. We’re often told to celebrate milestones, yet rarely do we acknowledge the complexity and quiet mourning that accompany these pivotal moments. From adolescence to menopause, motherhood to empty-nesting, and even to the inevitable loss of parents, women continually reshape their identities. Yet, this ongoing transformation frequently goes unrecognised and unsupported.
From Adolescence to Motherhood: A Series of Losses and Gains
Growing from teen to adult is universal, but becoming a mother uniquely changes our narrative. Joy mixes with guilt, overwhelm, and the stark realisation that the carefree life we once knew has fundamentally shifted. We mourn the loss of spontaneity, our past selves, and grapple silently with our new identities—often feeling isolated in our confusion, afraid to admit the heaviness that sits alongside joy.
Motherhood, Menopause, and the Empty Nest: Identity in Flux
Motherhood is just the start. Midlife ushers in menopause, another profound transition often ignored or trivialised by society. Physically and emotionally, parts of us we knew intimately fade or change forever. Just when we’ve caught our breath, the empty nest phenomenon surprises many women with its unexpected emotional impact. It’s a strange mix of pride, freedom, and grief. Once again, identity is questioned: if we are no longer needed as mothers in the same capacity, who are we now?
Societal Expectations and Invisible Barriers
Despite living in the 21st century, it can often feel as though society’s attitudes towards women remain stubbornly stuck in the past. Women frequently face penalties—both overt and subtle—for roles linked to motherhood or caregiving responsibilities, impacting career progression, financial independence, and overall wellbeing.
The COVID-19 pandemic vividly highlighted this issue. For years, many women advocated tirelessly for flexible working arrangements, only to have these requests repeatedly denied or dismissed as impractical. Yet, when businesses were suddenly forced into remote working by the pandemic, working from home swiftly became standard practice. Ironically, it took a global crisis for workplaces to adopt the very solutions women had long sought—highlighting deep-rooted biases and resistance to meeting women's practical needs.
Moreover, conversations about menopause have recently entered mainstream discussions, shedding light on another overlooked barrier. Open dialogue has uncovered the uncomfortable truth that countless women have left their jobs or faced dismissal simply due to experiencing menopause—a biological inevitability for every woman. This revelation emphasises just how significantly misunderstood and undervalued women's health concerns remain in the workplace.
Alongside these challenges, misogyny, inequality, and violence against women persist at troubling levels, with some reports[1] indicating an increase during recent years, including during lockdown periods. These stark realities underline how far we still need to travel to dismantle the invisible barriers women face every day.
Attachment and Comfort: The Hidden Role of Food
At a deeper psychological level, these ongoing transitions and experiences of loss can resonate strongly with ideas like Bowlby’s Attachment Theory. John Bowlby suggested that our earliest relationships shape how we cope with emotions and stress throughout our lives. This isn't about critiquing or blaming our upbringing; rather, it offers a lens to understand our emotional responses and coping patterns today.
When we experience emotional disruption—whether through loss, overwhelm, loneliness, or frustration—it can activate feelings related to attachment and security. Without even realising it, many of us instinctively seek comfort to soothe these emotional states. Often, food quietly steps into this role, becoming a reliable source of emotional relief, reassurance, and safety.
The point here isn't to revisit or judge the past but to gently acknowledge why food might hold such emotional power for us in the present. Recognising this deeper emotional connection can help us better understand ourselves and open the door to developing alternative, healthier coping strategies—ones that serve us well in navigating life's inevitable transitions.
Beware of ‘Comparinitus’: The Trap of Comparison
To compound these struggles, modern society bombards us constantly with seemingly flawless images of motherhood, midlife, or womanhood. It fosters what I jokingly—yet seriously—term comparinitus, a persistent and debilitating condition triggered by constant comparisons that leave us feeling inadequate and demoralised. Glossy magazines, curated social media feeds, and picture-perfect advertisements present motherhood, career success, and midlife in impossibly glamorous terms, setting standards that are neither realistic nor sustainable.
But here's the truth: life, for all of us, is inherently messy. Behind the carefully constructed facades, everyone—yes, even those seemingly perfect people—is navigating challenges, insecurities, and moments of doubt. Rather than being trapped by comparison, let’s seek inspiration and connection from women who openly and bravely share their authentic journeys, complete with triumphs, stumbles, joys, and frustrations. Women who remind us that real life doesn't fit neatly into Instagram squares or magazine covers. Celebrating authenticity rather than perfection can liberate us, reminding us that strength lies in embracing our full, beautifully imperfect selves.
The Power of Digging Deep
In my coaching practice, women often arrive seeking solutions to immediate concerns: improving nutrition, increasing energy, or losing weight. While these are valuable goals, true wellness extends far deeper than diet or exercise alone. It's intimately connected to how we understand and process our life experiences, stories, emotions, and attachments.
When we dig beneath the surface, we begin uncovering the roots of our behaviours and choices—particularly the ways we cope with stress, emotional upheaval, or challenging life transitions. Exploring these deeper layers enables us to make sense of habits like emotional eating or self-sabotage, which are often symptoms rather than isolated problems.
By becoming aware of these underlying patterns, we open the path towards meaningful change—both mentally and physically. Improved emotional self-awareness and psychological resilience can lead to healthier behaviours, better relationships, and a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. Digging deep empowers us, enhances our mental wellbeing, and naturally supports our physical health too, creating lasting transformations that go beyond the superficial and touch the core of who we truly are.
Conclusion: Embracing Transition and Finding Strength in Adversity
Life’s transitions undeniably challenge us, yet within each lies tremendous opportunity. It's essential to acknowledge openly the complexity, the grief, and the possibilities that these changes hold. By embracing our transitions, we honour who we once were, accept who we have become, and courageously step forward into who we are becoming.
Indeed, life is inherently messy, but it's precisely within this messiness that the greatest growth and strength often emerge. Each loss or struggle can become a powerful catalyst for transformation, reshaping our identities and redefining our purpose. It’s not about erasing or ignoring difficulties but rather integrating them into a deeper, more resilient understanding of ourselves. By viewing adversity as fertile ground for growth, we harness life's inevitable challenges as stepping stones towards greater emotional resilience, clarity, and purpose.
[1]References
Dodd, V. (2024, July 23). The Guardian. Retrieved from The Guardian : https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jul/23/violence-against-women-national-emergency-england-wales-police
Quick Facts. (n.d.). Retrieved from Ourwatch: https://www.ourwatch.org.au/quick-facts