How to Make Health a Priority Without Adding More to Your To-Do List

There’s something quietly exhausting about the way we live. Especially here in the Western world, where being “busy” is worn like a badge of honour. Productivity equals value. And if you’re not juggling fifty plates in mid-air — well, are you even doing life right?

For midlife women in particular, this hustle-hard culture feels deeply familiar. The to-do list of life is relentless. Jobs, families, partners, pets, ageing parents, appointments, birthdays, the emotional labour of remembering who likes what sandwich — all quietly managed in the background, usually without applause.

And as Gemma Hartley so brilliantly explores in Fed Up, this invisible workload isn’t just about doing — it’s about the planning, managing, and anticipating everything too. You’re not just making dinner — you’re remembering that someone hates coriander, that the lunchboxes need restocking tomorrow, and that there’s a parent-teacher interview to prep for.

Let’s be honest: fun doesn't even make it onto the radar.

Fun is Frivolous (Or So We’re Told)

Somewhere along the way, we started seeing fun as indulgent. Frivolous. Optional. Something to reward ourselves with after the real work is done (which, let’s be honest, is never).

So it’s not surprising that when it comes to our health — which we already view as another item to tick off — it gets pushed to the bottom. If health looks like another obligation, another rigid plan, or another way to “fix” yourself… no wonder you’re resisting it.

And if the only version of health you see is presented via TikTok reels of hyper-toned women in matching lycra telling you to eat more protein and lift heavy weights — it’s understandable if you’d rather binge a boxset and a family bag of crisps.

But What If You’re Not the Problem?

Here’s the thing: you’re not lazy. You’re not lacking willpower. You’re just tired of trying to make your life look like someone else’s highlight reel.

We need to change the narrative. Not about whether protein or strength training are good (they are, sure). But about whether that’s the only way to “do health.”

Because when you try to squeeze your values, time, and preferences into someone else’s plan — even if it’s backed by science or trending on socials — you’ll inevitably fall off the wagon. Not because you failed. But because it bored you to tears. Because it didn’t fit.

It’s like trying to wear a pair of jeans two sizes too small — you might manage to zip them up if you hold your breath and do a weird squat-wiggle-shimmy combo — but eventually, you’ll peel them off with relief and swear never again.

The Cost of Always Being “On”

Let’s take a moment to talk about emotional labour. It’s not just about being busy — it’s about the mental juggling act we’re constantly performing.

It’s remembering that your partner’s aunt is allergic to garlic. It’s checking your teenager’s mood before asking them to take the bins out. It’s booking the dog’s vaccinations, prepping for work meetings, and texting a friend who’s having a rough day — all while stirring dinner and mentally adding milk to the shopping list.

This mental load is heavy. And invisible. And it often leads to burnout, resentment, and — ironically — a complete disconnection from what you actually want or need.

So, when someone breezily suggests, “just prioritise yourself more,” it can feel like a cosmic joke — not because it’s bad advice, but because it oversimplifies something that’s deeply layered. You can want to prioritise yourself — and still feel like you’re trying to do it while holding everything else together with one hand. And for most of us, in that tug-of-war, the ‘holding it all together’ tends to win.

So... How Do You Even Begin?

But maybe that's the point. Maybe it's not about squeezing in one more thing for yourself like it’s another task to survive — but completely rethinking what it even means to care for yourself. Instead of seeing “health” as something you have to earn after everything else is done, what if it was something that quietly supports you to manage everything else more easily? Not a new pressure to get right, but a gentler foundation to come back to. Something flexible, fluid, and dare I say… enjoyable?

What If Health Could Be… Fun?

Here’s a radical thought: what if the first question wasn’t “How do I lose weight?” or “What should I cut out?” but instead, “What would feel good?”

What would you do if you weren’t constantly thinking about what to fix?

Maybe you’d sign up for that art class you’ve been putting off. Not because it burns calories, but because it brings you joy, engages your mind, helps you meet new people, or just gives you a moment that’s yours.

And guess what? That is health.

Less loneliness. Less emotional eating. Less stress. More curiosity. More connection. More self-worth. That’s a win — and not one that requires a protein shake or gym membership.

Curious Beats Committed

One of the biggest shifts I encourage my clients to make is to ditch the “all or nothing” mindset and embrace curiosity instead.

Try things on. Experiment. Be playful. But whatever you do, ask yourself:

Do I actually want to do this?

Here’s a little reflection exercise to help you explore that:

- What have I tried before that I hated (and why)? Was it too rigid? Too boring? Too lonely?

- What lights me up — even a little bit? Is it walking with a podcast? Dancing in the kitchen? Pottery? Gardening?

- When was the last time I did something purely for fun — and how did it feel? What would it take to add a little more of that into your week?

Because the plan that works long-term? It’s the one you enjoy. The one that feels like you. That’s the one that leads to lasting change, not because you forced yourself, but because you wanted to keep going.

Health That Starts with Joy

We’ve been conditioned to believe that change has to be hard. That we need to grind, restrict, and hustle our way to feeling better. But what if that’s the very reason it isn’t working?

What if your first step to feeling better wasn’t discipline, but delight?

Because here's the secret: joy is contagious. Do something fun, and you'll likely eat better without trying. Move your body because you want to, and your energy improves. Start creating time for what you love, and suddenly your stress softens. Your sleep gets better. You say no more easily. You become the kind of woman who protects her wellbeing like it’s the most important meeting in the diary — because it is.

And all of that starts with asking one simple question: What would I love to do, just for me?